Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
So an otter arrives home from work, dead tired and faced with the prospect of Kraft dinner, jerking off, and early bed before going back to work at a soul-crushing office job where he would inevitably have to undo and redo the progress he’d thought he’d made that day. The otter, being a sensitive sort, needs to talk to somebody, so he calls his friend, a German Shepherd. They’d been friends since college, but never got to more than fooling around; he’s the perfect emotional Kleenex. Well, the shepherd doesn’t answer his phone, so the otter leaves him a short, weepy message on voicemail.
Half an hour later, the shepherd shows up at the otter’s door with a leftover casserole. The otter’s surprised—he’s taken a shower and feels much better about himself—but the shepherd smiles and says, “I’m trained to always come when called.”
They have a nice dinner, share about their days, gossip a little. The shepherd’s phone goes off. “Hang on a second,” he says, and sets it on vibrate. “Voicemail can get this.”
And when the shepherd looks back up, the otter’s struck—this really is a nice guy, and the light’s hitting his big, soft, brown eyes just right. The otter pulls the shepherd to his feet and plants one on him. Deep, affectionate, grateful; the dog’s tail whips like a limb possessed.
They saunter over to the couch and start exploring, a kiss here, a tweak or scratch just there, and the otter’s heart is racing. He forces himself to stay in the moment and not get ahead of himself. Breathe, he tells himself, and notice every little sensation… The feel of his muscled leg between yours, the shiver you get as he reaches up your shirt… Time stops meaning anything because there’s nothing outside the otter’s apartment, no job, no boss, no parking tickets, only this wonderful German Shepherd tweaking his nipple and swirling his tongue around in the otter’s mouth.
The shepherd’s phone goes off again, and its vibration shakes the otter a little. It gives him the moment. He pulls back, scoots out from under the shepherd, and scampers into the bedroom. He hurriedly tosses his clothes in a pile on the floor and waits for the dog. “Well? Are you coming?”
“I’m trained to always come when called,” says the shepherd from the door. He leans against the frame, naked, one arm over his head. Clearly he knows how it makes the muscles in his chest and shoulders stand out. The otter can see it on his face. He laughs and pulls the shepherd onto the bed.
So the shepherd slips himself into the otter’s rear, slowly at first, savoring every moan and squeak until the otter tells him to go for it. The shepherd starts pounding into him with all he’s got, and the otter’s jerking himself off and in minutes he shoots all over the bedsheets.
Meanwhile, the shepherd’s not getting any closer to coming. He’s hit a plateau and just can’t seem to crest. The otter asks him if there’s anything wrong, if there’s anything he can do.
The dog says, “Shove my phone up my ass.”
“What? You’re kidding, right?”
The dog growls and says, “I got conditioned early and haven’t been able to break it. Now I can’t get off without it.”
The otter’s embarrassed, but he wraps the phone in a condom, lubes it up, and hands it to the shepherd. He can feel the dog shudder and twist behind him, and suddenly the shepherd starts bucking and thrusting inside the otter with a crazed zeal. The otter forgets his embarrassment and humps back against the dog, hitting his sweet spot against the shepherd’s cock. He tries to form words, but sputters and grunts happily.
“Wait for it, wait for it,” the dog says.
And bam! The phone goes off and the dog howls as he spurts. He slowly starts to come down from climax. The otter carefully removes the cell phone from the shepherd’s ass and sets it aside. They share a few minutes panting and cuddling in the sticky afterglow.
The otter decides he’s going to clean up, but before he goes, he gives the shepherd a tummy rub and says, “Thanks. That was exactly what I needed.”
The shepherd looks bashful, but smiles anyway. “Sorry about the whole phone thing. It’s a long story, but it works every time.”
The otter shrugs. “We’ve all got weird things.”
“You know what that says about me?” The dog puts his hands behind his head and gives his best shit-eating grin.
The otter pauses for a second. That he’s trained to… “—Oh, shut up!”